Return From The Sidelines

It’s been awhile.
Just over 8 months actually.  Drawn away from writing and blogging out of necessity.

First came retirement in April. That was a good thing.

Daily life now on my own terms rather than those of a corporate entity.

In June then, just a month and a half in, the challenge arose of providing caregiving attention to a sick relative  who lives some 60 miles away. We gladly dusted off our caregiver banners and stepped up to lend a hand. That took us up through the month of October.

We have also been emerged in cleaning, repairing and rejuvenating our Elk Grove home in preparation to selling it. (Too much home to contend along with running up and down stairs every day).

While engaged in getting the Elk Grove home ready to sell, we have also been working nearly every day cleaning, refurbishing and clearing out the clutter and 60+ years of accumulated stuff at our new home, which is Penny’s parents old house.

Over 14 truckloads of junk taken to the local dump between the two homes along with dozens of deliveries to the local Goodwill of worn out items, home furnishings and clothing well past their prime.

The cleaning, repairing and rejuvenating of both of our homes has also provided us with an opportunity to heal and bind up the wounds of sorrow and the effects of stress we endured as caregivers to our parents over the past 11 plus years. Call it caregiver therapy. Self-administered and oh so timely.

The end of all this is close at hand and we look forward to wrapping up the sale of our  other home then settle down for the Christmas holidays. Thank Goodness!

Taking up the writing and blogging mantle again is positive therapy for me and provides an outlet to dig into and investigate various topics. It’s my return from the sidelines and getting up off of the bench…so to speak.

I’m glad to be writing again!

Wishing everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Jeff Dodson
November 26th 2015

The Big Little Things

Image courtesy of: topnews.net.nz

Recognition. Being noticed. Greeted warmly. Hearing your name called out joyfully by others. In our everyday normal world we accept these tokens of interaction and communication with a grain of salt. 

In a nursing home or a care facility for the elderly, such recognition, such acknowledgments of a resident by visitors does not happen much at all.  Most folks who visit a nursing home are there to see and visit with their own family member, period. On their way from the parking lot, through the entry lobby, proceeding down any number of corridors to their loved ones room, pretty much every senior they walk past are invisible. In plain sight…but not seen.

By my own shameful admittance, I once behaved like that. It was early on with my late mother-in-law who was the first of our family members stricken with Alzheimer’s dementia. In the earliest months of her residency at the Asian Center in South Sacramento, my mission, upon arriving there, was to make a fast beeline to Marian’s room to see her and her alone.  It never occurred to me back then to make any kind of effort to acknowledge, to greet or even to offer a nod of recognition to any of the other residents that I would stride right past. 

My behavior was that of an uninformed, insensitive individual. Oh sure, I was most interested in getting to Marian’s room and interacting with her. It simply never occurred to me to make any kind of effort to show any kind of compassionate interest in any of the residents between the front door and the door to her room.

Something as apparent as broadening the scope of whom I was going there to be kind and compassionate with was not obvious to me early on.  That was in late 2006 and early 2007.

Then a change in my awareness began. It began with a female resident, well into her 90’s, whom I’ll call Helen.  Always well groomed and dressed,  Helen was typically one of the first residents each morning to arrive in her Meri-walker at the lobby gathering desk.  The front lobby desk at this nursing facility formed a 360 degree circle. Kind of like a hollow donut with the staff working in the space within. The early morning sunlight beamed down into this area which made it bright and inviting every morning for chilled or cold-sensitive geriatric bodies. This was, no doubt, why Helen was one of the first arrivals each day.  Pick out the best (warmest) spot, then defend it like a lioness.

It was her well groomed appearance and perfectly coiffed hair that first caught my eye. In inquiring about who she was, I learned that Helen’s family came to visit her on a weekly basis and were very fussy about her appearance and how she was turned out in public. Not just about Helen’s appearance.  Her family  obviously cared a great deal about her and her welfare.

Once morning on my way in to see Marian, I noticed one of the resident CNA’s greeting  Helen with an elaborate bowing gesture.  Helen, in kind, matched the offering with her own bow of reciprocation, followed by a bright smile.  Seeing this struck me out of the blue as something cool.  

On my next visit to the Asian Center, I made it a point of looking for Helen to try my hand at greeting her with my own amateur bow.  I didn’t see her on that visit or the next. On my next visit after that, Helen was parked in the lobby at her usual perch surveying everyone coming and going. I made a purposeful march down the hall right toward her. As she looked my way, I made a show of stopping,  then offering her a bow.  She immediately returned the gesture from her walker followed with a smile.  

Wow.  An ice-breaker with another resident. Just that it took me over 6 months to open my mind up to that simple level of kindness.

From that initial effort with Helen, I later learned that she had established a notoriety for herself at the Asian Center for making at least 2 or 3 half-hearted escape attempts out the front lobby door each day.  Helen not only looked well groomed and taken care of, but she was gutsy as well.

Beginning with Helen, I next began to observe and notice other residents on my way in and out of Marian’s room.  Offering a simple, “Hello,’’ or a “How are you today?” worked wonders with virtually everyone I made eye contact with.

It was all about validation.  That man who comes in here often, notice Me today! He said I looked nice in my bright new robe. Complimented me last week on how pretty my head of silver hair looked. 

A basic and fundamental human yearning is to be noticed, to be recognized. A lesson I’m glad I learned some 8 years ago. It served me well for the remainder of Marian’s lifetime at the Asian Center.

Later, in 2010 through 2013, I became a lot more proficient at practicing heartfelt kindness with other residents while visiting with my own parents who were living at the Sherwood Healthcare Center in Sacramento.

One elderly woman who lived at Sherwood, owing to being an active choir member in church in her earlier years, would often break out into spontaneous singing bouts from her hallway wheelchair. This often initiated all sorts of positive and negative reactions from those nearby.  I always made it a point when I heard her of walking up to her, kneeling next to her and whispering in her ear of how delightful her singing was. It never failed to bring a broad grin to her face followed by a proud, “Thank You, kind Sir.”

Make the effort to notice others, to greet them warmly or extend a kind compliment. You just never know how big such a little thing like that will be to that other person. Often it will be received as a very big thing. 

By God, a kind, perfect stranger noticed Me today!

Jeff Dodson

April 16th 2015

A Book Review of E-Cubed

E-Cubed is the followup book to E-Squared by New York Times best-selling author Pam Grout.  Pam is also the author of 17 books. She has her own luxury travel blog page as well as a personal blog site.  E-Cubed is my first exposure to this author.

Pam Grout employs lots of positive upbeat humor and joy in her writing.

My first impression of E-Cubed is that the book represents Pam’s unique interpretation of the kind of manifestation and possibility thinking that Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote about in Wishes Fulfilled and The Power of Intention.

The format that she utilizes as an alternative to traditional sequenced chapters is unique and created to captivate the reader’s eye and attention as well as inviting participation.

Each of the Experiments numbering from one through nine (in lieu of numbered chapters) lays out the basic theory of what is presented and then concisely summarized by Pam at the conclusion of each of the Experiments with her Lab Sheet. These are a fun filled method of blending elements of science with those of the spiritual and metaphysical worlds to illustrate the author’s message.

Prior to the Experiments section I enjoyed two simple lines of encouragement. "Commit to having fun, and, commit to being overjoyed."

The Experiments are:

#1   The more fun I have, the better life works.

This one’s about changing the momentum that you begin with each morning in starting your day. Making a change up for the betterment of yourself. Invest 72 hours in starting each day with motivating music or an exercise program that is a break away from your norm.

#2   My beliefs and expectations impact what I draw from the field of potentiality. 

A quote that sums up this experiment for me is, “our ability to shape energy is like breathing. We do it all the time without realizing it.” — Damien Echols. The experiment allots 72 hours to find 8 things that the world reflects what you expect to see.

#3   Nothing is absolute; only my thinking makes it so.

In this experiment, Pam writes, “A belief is only a thought we continue to think over  and over again. We decide how thing are and proceed to do everything we can to prove that conclusion. What if instead of searching so hard for the right answer, we simply admit  there’s no universal anything.”

In other words, if one flips a long held belief about oneself, you will find just as much evidence to support that reality. The experiment is to invest 72 hours investigating whether the opposite of  a long held negative belief about you is just as valid.

#4   There is no “them.” It’s only “us.” 

In other words, the negative circumstances and folks that we encounter in our lives may just be perfectly timed opportunities for us to grow and evolve for our own benefit. 72 hours are allowed for this experiment. The mission is to look for things to appreciate about your enemy.

#5   Money is nothing but energy and a reflection of my beliefs.

Two parts to this experiment. Part one is to begin giving out monetarily what you wish to  receive back. Part two is to align with the Quantum Field by hunting for pennies.

#6   A vibrating, pulsing field with mystical information is available if I pay attention.

A quote shared in this experiment (chapter) worth repeating is, “Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.” — George Washing Carver. The experiment involves banning the news and social media from your natural awareness. Your assignment is to walk in  your neighborhood and be observant to what all is going on around you. While doing so, you are to actively expect and seek an important message.

#7   The words that spill from my mouth have a certain wattage and energy, and by using only words and phrases that bless and uplift, will I empower myself and others. The experiment is to actively monitor the words you use and to notice the change that shows up in your life as a result. 

#8   My thoughts are insanely powerful. So powerful I can flip reality by withdrawing my attention and shifting it to a different reality. Here the challenge is to spend three days drinking self-created, energy infused water. Determine what you are going to improve or heal about yourself.

#9   There is an invisible energy force or field of infinite possibilities.

Invest 3 days consciously trusting, being receptive to and waiting for a sign of the presence of the river of life. It is about celebrating what you want to see more of.

#10 Bonus Experiment. If one person did something, its possible for all.

Here the experiment involves the application and use of what is called Qigong energy to alter the taste and appearance of water.

Additional quotes I liked in E-Cubed that Pam shared are:

“Our thoughts hold more medicine than many of the astonishing breakthroughs of our time.” — Kris Carr, Crazy Sexy Kitchen

“You can change your world by changing your words.” — Joel Osteen, Pastor of Lakewood Church

I found E-Cubed to be unexpectedly entertaining, informative and written to challenge the reader in fun ways that would light a fire of positive change in them. 

Jeff Dodson

March 15th 2015

FTC Disclosure:  I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinions expressed in this review are unbiased and reflect my honest judgment of the product. 

A Grandchild To Care For

It’s been just a little over four months since we lost our last parent, my father-in-law, Forrest Widdifield. 

At no time during those first three months of mourning his passing did we ever imagine that we would  be taking on again, so soon, another caregiving mission. One of a very different kind from what we had been accustomed to.

Caring for the needs and nurturing of our one and a half year old granddaughter is what we are now engaged in. 

She is an absolute blast to have in our home to watch over, to protect and to teach. She also has proven to be an ace at pushing the energy expenditure of one adult in her late 50’s and the other in his early 60’s to the very limits of their original factory design tolerances. Most days, we find ourselves hitting the tachometer redline by early afternoon!

The best part of each day is at meal time. That’s because it is a crack up watching how she takes to the introduction of new food items. Presently, fruits seem to be an instant hit, while vegetables are touch and go (throw). Meats are a work in progress. My wife recently discovered a Zucchini bread at Costco that is heavenly. Granddaughter just craves it. Chock full of vegetables besides zucchini, it is both nourishing and tastes good.

Our granddaughter has brought a good measure of fun and has served as a positive influence with us that has countered the grief,mourning and exhaustion we have had on our plate for the past decade as Alzheimer’s dementia caregivers.

Caring for a grandchild is an excellent source of infusing your life again with squeals of joy, the patter and oomph of running little feet interspersed with lots of conks and falls as they motor about your home and hallways, either running away from you or running right at you to show or bring you a new toy or  object of their immediate interest. It is eye opening and uplifting to be re-introduced to the world of no-limits, endless wonder and the joyful sparkle of bright little eyes amazed at the smallest or most ordinary things about the house.

The arrival of our granddaughter in our lives has been just the therapeutic balm my wife and I have needed for quite some time. 

Living again with such an energetic wee person is like drinking down a shot glass of elixir from the fountain of youth. 

It is good to be alive.

Jeff Dodson

March 1st 2015

The Top Ten Things Dead People Want To Tell You

This book is my first exposure to the work of author, Mike Dooley. He is also the author of theNew York Times bestseller, Infinite Possibilities: The Art Of Living Your Dreams.

The title of this book was the hook for me. Just what are those ten things that the departed want to tell us? What might I learn that I did not already know or sense? What might I learn that will validate or reinforce what I already believe? 

So, according to Mike Dooley, what are those ten things the dead are most eager to communicate to us? They are presented in the following chapter order.

Were not dead

We chose to be here in the first place. Love and happiness are why we are here. Thought connects everything and all of us. We began from a place in eternity and will return to it.

There’s no such thing as a devil or hell

Wow! Really. This will come as a relief for many and create uneasiness for some whose beliefs expect fire, brimstone and punishment for sinners. 

Mike Dooley contends that the only real hell each of us will suffer through is when we sit down and execute a review of our own life just lived through. All of the good and the negative that we lived thorough we will feel and experience through the emotions of those that we interacted with. We act as our own post-game locker room coach with lots of game film footage. That plus we get to experience first-hand every emotion of all of the folks that we ever interacted with, for better or for worse.

We were ready

A time to die is out there for each of us. “A life ends naturally when the adventurer either achieves what he originally came for or when he can no longer achieve it and there are no other alternative, achievable goals, “ according to the author.

Dooley’s position is that, “You are not alive to be tested, judged, and sentenced. You’re alive to live and learn, in unending spirals of love. Everything plays to these greater goals, and every decision you make while living becomes the core study material for your fabulous growth and glory — right down to the time and method of your passing.”

You’re not ready

“Life’s adventures are only possible because of life’s challenges,” writes Dooley.

We are embarked upon a journey of our own creation (one that we mapped out before we came here). We came here to ‘blaze a new trail,’ and learn and discover all that we possibly can before our game clock buzzer rings signaling the end of our game.

Were sorry for any pain we caused

Dooley writes that the dead want all of us living to know that they are all sorry for any of the pain that they caused each of us. These were mistakes they made on their well intentioned path towards positive growth.

Your dreams really can come true

“Your challenges are temporary, while their lessons are eternal.” Live your life to the

absolute fullest. You were born to soar, to achieve, and to grow. Go ahead and want it all. That’s what it’s there for!

Heaven is going to blow your mind

You are one of a kind. Irreplaceable. Kind of like the lyrics in that Katie Perry song,

“Firework.” Spiritual awareness occurs. 

You finally comprehend that eternity precedes and then follows every lifetime upon this earth for each of us. We were all part of it before we came here, and it is that realm to which we return after our time on earth.

In heaven you learn a. how important you were, b. how powerful you were, and,

c. there are no mistakes. Whoa! Three great reasons to feel empowered and good about yourself here.

Life is more than fair

In this chapter, Dooley makes three interesting points. 

First, It doesn’t matter where you’ve been — it will serve you (whether traumatic or joyous).

Second, It doesn’t matter where you now are, because where you are is never who you are.

Third, You can, starting today, with new thoughts, words and actions, create a new vibe that will begin orchestrating your own “luck, accidents and serendipities,” to blast forward, higher, richer, and happier — yee ha!

Your ‘old pets’ are as crazy as ever

I’m personally not an animal owner although many of my family members are or were. Good news for all animal lovers and pet owners: no animals are left behind. There are no bad dogs. Every cat gets more lives. And they’ll be joining us in eternity.

Love is the way; truth is the path

“The dead with their advantage of perspective, see love everywhere,” writes Dooley.

Dooley states that, “You spiritually feel love in an entirely new way, not as a choice but as a channel for something far greater. You judge nothing because you see yourself in everything. You blame no one because blame is the evasion of responsibility.”

“Eternity promises too much to spend one more moment looking back with regret than is necessary,” is another quote from Dooley that I like.

My final thoughts on this book:

If you currently are a caregiver, have just lost a loved one, or maybe just someone who is at a point in life struggling to make sense of their own spirituality and primary purpose, then, The Ten Things Dead People Want To Tell You, is a book you want to read. And for everyone else, it is damn well entertaining and thought provoking. So everyone else needs to read it too.

Jeff Dodson

January 12th 2015

FTC Disclosure:  I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinions expressed in this review are unbiased and reflect my honest judgment of the product.

Be SureTo Tell Her It Was Good!

Last week, while on our way to Costco holiday shopping, my wife and I stopped in at one of our local eateries for lunch.

While there, we became engrossed in a conversation with our server about caregiving and confided in her that pop (my father-in-law), would no longer be eating out with us anymore as he had passed away in October. Our server mentioned that she and her family were also struggling with a family member (her mother-in-law) who is dying at home under Hospice care. It is touch and go as to whether the mother-in-law would make it all the way to Christmas.

The mother-in-law is in only in her 50’s yet she is dying from cancer and other medical complications. As death draws nearer, she appears to have begun hallucinating; that is claiming to have been doing things or involved in tasks or activities that are impossible, given that she is bedridden. The adults in the family have found it easiest to just agree with or play along with whatever imagined event is announced by their loved one. 

Why upset them any more than what they are already suffering from?

Recently, a grandson came to visit the terminally ill grandmother at her bedside. Beforehand, he had been alerted by his mother (our restaurant server) that grandma was now prone to hallucinations and talking about things that had not happened. 

Mother instructed her son: “If she says anything about cooking a big meal for us, tell her it was good!”

Armed with this information, the grandson was ready to do his part in comforting grandma should the need for a  “compassionate white-lie” be required.

In my own mind, I can imagine how the scene played out between the two of them.

Grandma: “You know honey, I spent all morning downstairs in the kitchen cooking up our holiday ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, the vegetables and several pies for that dinner we had tonight. I’m so exhausted now from all of that cooking.”

Grandson: (Thinking back to one of grandma’s lavish and tasty holiday meals a couple of years back), “Yes grandma, I loved your meal. The ham and pies were my favorites, but it was all good!”

Grandma: Oh honey, I’m so glad everything tasted ok and all of you ate your fill. It makes this old lady feel like she still has something to contribute to this family of ours.”

The elderly and the dying deserve the support of their family. And instilling respect for one’s elders in a younger family member will always be one of those right things to teach a child. In this case, though a small white lie was the response to grandma’s declaration of her imagined morning of cooking, the grandson’s comment served to comfort and validate grandma’s earned place within the family. Though on the doorstep of passing away during our holiday season, grandma knows she is loved and appreciated. 

God Bless this grandma, this grandson, and this family.

Jeff Dodson

December 22nd 2014

Walking Home: A Book Review

This is the second book that I’ve had the opportunity to review of author and speaker, Sonia Choquette. The first was Grace, Guidance and Gifts in 2012.

Imagine at the height of your professional career, to suddenly experience the loss of your father, your brother, and, to have your marriage suddenly collapse all within a three year period. Your personal life is now unravelling. Time to step off life’s speedway and bind up the wounds.

Walking Home is Sonia’s candid story of how she bravely chose to do this. 

Her solution was committing herself to a pilgrimage walk of the Camino de Santiago. Also known as the Way of St. James, it is the ancient pilgrimage route stretching some five hundred miles between Arles in the south of France across northern Spain and ending at the Cathedral of Santiago. It is there that the remains of St. James the Great are said to be buried. 

Sonia planned for and scheduled a month and a half off from her professional and personal life commitments to walk and complete this pilgrimage. She committed to this not long after having knee surgery with a knee that was not 100% healed. Secondly, she had not allowed for time to build up her physical stamina for the arduous daily hiking through wildly unpredictable weather and the unfamiliar terrain that the journey would entail. 

She did not make extensive plans in advance for this undertaking as she had always felt confident in her intuition to guide her. For this, she paid a very painful daily price with injuries to her feet, sore legs and back and chronic pain with the unhealed knee. Still, Sonia was determined to make this journey because, in her words, “I wanted to walk the Camino more than anything to become free of guilt and anger and shame I was carrying so deep in my heart. I yearned for forgiveness for having all this guilt and resentment.”

It would take Sonia 34 days to complete her pilgrimage. During the course of her walk she experienced an amazing depth of adventures with fellow pilgrims she met, her surroundings, and, with dredging up emotions, some of which had been deeply buried since early childhood. 

While on her journey of healing and transformation, Sonia said, “I let go of blaming myself for someone else’s behavior. I let go of feeling I had to hide and pretend it didn’t happen. I let go of the need to beat myself up about it.”

What I found fascinating about Sonia’s sojourn were the encounters she had that might best be described as spiritual or even supernatural in nature. 

The first one occurred on the 15th day of her walk. While trudging along the Camino trail, she witnessed an elderly man dressed only in runners shorts and a tank top go trotting past her along the trail in freezing cold weather. Later she learned about the man. He had made a promise to God in earlier years that if his only son would be cured of cancer, he would commit to completing the Camino one hundred times. When Sonia saw him, he was on his ninth Camino journey. Witnessing the personal sacrifice and dedication of this elderly pilgrim inspired her to renew her determination to see her trip to its completion.

The second one happened on the 29th day of her journey. While absorbed in her thoughts, Sonya became disoriented and lost. Hiking further, she came upon several forks in the trail. Her intuitive voice compelled her to follow the one to the left. This she did and eventually came upon an old shed with a house attached. The door was open so she entered it. Within she was greeted by a smiling elderly man who invited her to accept a cup of coffee. She attempted to refuse but was informed by him that the Camino had brought her to his house for a reason. She sat down, accepted the coffee then was dumbstruck to be informed by the man, “Antonio your (dead) brother, brought you here.” She parted company with the old sage with an animal totem and crystal to protect and guide her on the rest of her journey.

Sonia’s daily narrative of her pilgrimage journey is a fascinating read as she wrestles with painful past memories, decades old emotional wounds and lots of raw anger. As each day passed, she began a process of first facing and confronting each of these feelings then allowing herself to simply let go of each of them.

Walking Home is a vivid account of one persons journey and transformation from being emotionally and psychologically wounded into one who became a reintegrated and healed soul. This book would make a great movie!

Jeffrey Dodson

November 24th 2014

FTC Disclosure:  I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinions expressed in this review are unbiased and reflect my honest judgment of the product.