It seems like 2012 just began a couple of months ago, yet the month of July is nearly half passed.
One of our mom’s has been in a nursing facility now for just over 9 months. The other mom has been a resident at a different nursing facility for 5 years. Both were diagnosed with AD. Neither will survive the disease. At present, no one does or will. When they will finally be called home is anybody’s guess. Our Creator does not tip his hand very often.
Both dad’s still reside alone: each within their own family homes. Except that all the children are middle-aged adults, having moved out decades ago and both dad’s suffer the loneliness and the heartbreak of living apart from their wives.
Penny and I juggle the finances for both households besides our own. We handle all of the medical bills, doctor visits, minor surgeries, driving and chauffeuring the dad’s around, and, when able, assist in cleaning and helping them maintain their homes. Did I mention we also handle grocery shopping, visiting with lawyers and paying their bills as well? Oh, and I hold down a full time job in the retail home improvement industry with a work schedule that fluctuates every week.
We are involved with all of those things as we try our best to educate both aging fathers on how to attempt to take better care of their health and improve their eating habits. This can be tough for older folks who have enjoyed decades of consuming certain favorite dishes or foods irrespective of how unhealthy it turns out that they are. Change is always possible but never easy for some.
Caregiving for 4 aging seniors is like cramming 48 hours into every 24 hour day. Frequently, it is intense, demanding, exhausting and, at times, makes you run way the hell out of patience before the sun has set for the day. Enough at times that you could easily grind a mouthful of rocks with your teeth, turning them into fine sand.
Help in terms of siblings fled the scene long ago. Not just for us. This is the reality of how it is with the vast majority of family caregivers. A health crisis strikes a loved one on the playing field of life. The next play is crucial, requiring somebody to man-up or woman-up to the challenge. Instead, most all of the players run off the field, through the stadium exits, jump in their cars and barrel out of the parking lot. A variation of that popular quote might then read, “When the going gets tough, the whom ever, get gone.”
My wife and I are IT save for a couple of very considerate longtime friends and former neighbors who chauffeur my dad up to see mom on occasion. God Bless them.
Even as we are well into our eighth successive year of doing this, we find positive meaning in what we have grown accustomed to doing.
We are not alone in our transformational journey as dementia caregivers. We have met and encountered others in our travels. Within the USA alone, there are several million of them out there.
We have become well aware of the changes that the demands of caregiving have made with us. We worry about the stresses and strains upon our own physical and mental health while we strive to eat healthy, avoid junk food, and foods high in fat, salt, etc. Our latest interest along this line has been the works of Dr. Daniel Amen, including The Amen Solution, and, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life.
Carrying out the work of a caregiver eventually compels one to face the eventual death of a family member, or the death of a patient. If you were not a spiritually grounded person prior, you will learn to become one during the course of your mission. Facing the mortality of another also compels you to confront that eventuality for yourself.
So what my wife and I have learned and taken to heart are the following:
1. We no longer fear death or our own eventual demise.
This will be the time that we are called home to our Source; to the place from which we originally came.
2. Though we never envisioned it when we were younger, nor even a decade ago, living while providing a service to another, putting them ahead of yourself becomes a mission you grow into.
3. We have gained a wealth of experience and knowledge about dementia and Alzheimer’s both through our caregiving work and staying abreast of medical science and research in the field. In my opinion, a means of halting AD in it’s tracks at several points along its progression will be possible within the next 5 to 7 years. A definitive cure will not be too much farther behind and a strong possibility by the year 2020.
Final thought
Years ago, Oprah Winfrey, became recognized on her afternoon talk show, for asking one insightful question of some of her most favorite guests. The question was: “what do you know for sure?”
What do Penny and I know for sure these days?
Our work as caregivers, though often feeling like living within a steaming hot pressure cooker pot, has, over the long run, made us better human beings. More grounded, more appreciative of small things, less materialistic and a whole lot less judgmental. We find ourselves living much more in the present instead of dwelling in the past or fretting over the future.
We like and respect who we have come to be.
For more information on Neurologist and Brain Imaging Specialist, Dr. Daniel Amen, visit his website at: www.amenclinic.com
Jeff Dodson
July 15th 2012
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