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So just what are some of the cultures today that show reverence and respect to their elder citizens? Are they any at all? Why do I even bring this topic up?
As a caregiver, I was faced with having to place an aging demented parent in a skilled nursing facility. Three different parents, three different times. All of them are now passed. God Bless each of them. They all went home within a nine month period. In each nursing facility I was able to observe just how many seniors actually received visits from close family members. On a scale of 1 to 100, perhaps 8 to 10 percent received regular visits from a family member on a weekly basis. Another 20 percent received visits maybe once a month. The other 70 percent received a family member of friend to visit them at maybe their birthday, at Thanksgiving, or at Christmas or not at all.
American Culture, the one that I was brought up in, seems to be skewed one way. It worships independence and youth. It appears to be infatuated with overnight fame, immediate gratification and a preponderance of activities that glamorize the young along with products that claim to stave off aging or the appearance of growing old.
We are enthralled with “selfies,” (self-shot, cell phone photos), building ‘personal brands,’ and spending enormous amounts of time texting and posting upon Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Pintrest, etc. Who bothers to just sit down and talk face to face with another person anymore without the presence of a vibrating cell phone or I-Pad in their hand? And when was the last time you actually talked to a grandparent or aging parent face to face or visited with them?
American culture devalues and marginalizes it’s elderly and seniors.
Some writers attribute the decline in how we view our seniors and the elderly to the so called Feel Good Generation of the 1960’s - 70’s. A period that sensationalized youthful self centered and self-indulgent activity.
In researching the web prior to composing this blog, it turns out that there are others out there with a much more scholarly background who are asking the same question.
Jared Diamond, UCLA professor of geography and physiology, recently lectured on this topic. His presentation was entitled, “Honor or Abandon: Why Does Treatment of the Elderly Vary so Widely Among Human Societies?” Jared Diamond is a Pulitzer Prize winning author of “Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies,” which also aired on PBS. Diamond is also a recipient of a MacArthur Foundation “genius” award.
In the online newsletter, UCLA Today, I read a summary of Dr. Diamond’s address, a portion of which is conveyed here.
“Parents and children both want a comfortable life --- there are limits to the sacrifices that they’ll make for each other.” Those circumstances include life’s often heart-wrenching realities --- from the threat of starvation among indigenous tribes to the difficult choices posed by modern societies’ life-prolonging medical care.
The elders usefulness in a society plays a big part in determining their fate, Diamond said. While old people in traditional societies can no longer spear game or battle enemies, they can still gather food to care for children. They are also often expert at making tools, weapons, baskets and clothes. In many societies they serve as “tribal elders” in medicine, religion and politics.
In those cultures that lack a written record of their history, song and other forms of culture, older people are invaluable sources of information.
“The repositories of knowledge are the memories of old people,” Diamond said. “If you don’t have old people to remember what happened 50 years ago, you’ve lost a lot of experience for that society.” from communal history to advice on how to survive a cyclone
or other natural disaster.
So what cultures out there embrace, include and revere their older citizens today?
I was surprised to learn the following about these five different cultures.
African
There are more than five hundred tribes that occupy the African Continent. Common among them is that elders are respected, obeyed and considered a source of tribal and family wisdom.
To survive until and old age is often considered an accomplishment reflecting personal strength, resourcefulness and faith.
American Indians
Native Americans are known for referring to their elders as “wisdom keepers.”
The web site: www.sapphyr.net/nacodeethics.htm features a detailed list of behaviors shared by a number of Native American Tribes. The article is entitled, Native American Indian Traditional Code of Ethics. This code first appeared in print in the book, The Sacred Tree, published by The Four Worlds Development Project in 1982.
I’ve listed here those that speak to the treatment of older tribal members.
1. Treat every person from the tiniest child to the oldest elder with respect at all times.
2. Special respect should be given to Elders, Parents, Teachers and Community Leaders.
3. Touch nothing that belongs to someone else (especially Sacred Objects) without permission, or an understanding between you.
4. Speak in a soft voice, especially when you are in the presence of Elders, stranger or others to whom special respect is due.
5. Listen to and follow the guidance given to your heart. Expect guidance to come in many forms: in prayer, in dreams, in times of quiet solitude, and in the words and deeds of wise Elders and friends.
Chinese
China owns some of the oldest cultural rituals dedicated to the reverence of their oldest citizens including these which are but a sampling:
1. The oldest person in a family or an organization has the most respect, honor, and dignity.
2. Young folks will call an older person “Ye Ye” (grandfather), and “Nai Nai” (grandmother), “Tai Tai” (aunt) and “Shu Shu” (uncle) as a sign of respect even if that person is not family by blood.
3. When you arrive at a meeting or banquet you should always remember to greet the member with the highest seniority ranking at that occasion first.
4. Whatever you do, you should not ever interrupt the senior member’s speech.
Japanese
The Japanese have a phrase for their elders: “Oji-San.” Translated, it means Venerable One.
In Japan, many of the small towns and older villages hold a parade for any of their citizens who reach their 88th birthday.
On the third Monday of each September, the Japanese observe a holiday they call Respect for the Aged Day that dates back to 1947. It is called ‘Keiro no Hi.’
Hispanics
Latino elderly occupy a central role in the family group and are treated with respect (respeto), status (su lugar), and authority (su experiencia y sabiduria). Mexican American culture does not typically take advantage of the nursing home system that many Americans rely upon for caring for the elders.
The cultures that have been touched upon in this article all have been around for many centuries before the formation and growth of the United States of America. We on the other hand are still a relatively young nation grappling with a wide variety of social issues besides how we treat our seniors and elders.
It seems to me that we have a lot to learn from some of these other cultures to add to our own in re-connecting and improving our relationships with our older citizens.
With regard to how we handle and accommodate our elderly, a quote from Mahatma Gandi comes to mind: “A society is measured by how it treats it’s weakest members.”
Viewing our country from Gandi’s point of view here, our mid-term report card grade leaves room for substantial improvement.
Want to learn some things you never knew but might appreciate and be awed about your grandparent or an older family member?
Try this: the next time you meet one of them, sit down and ask them this question: “Hey grandpa, how did you earn all of those wrinkles on your face?
After the laughter, you might be surprised at what they tell you and what kind of memories and experiences will be rekindled that you never knew before. At that point consider yourself as having sipped your first taste from the “teacup of wisdom.” It is, by the way, a bottomless cup and there is no limit on how many refills you can go back for.
Jeff Dodson
February 24th 2013
