What Is It Like?

I awoke with a startle...from a way in deep sleep.  From the sound of my cell phone chirping furiously, while lodged somewhere under my head. Oh that’s right...I had it in my hand thrust under the pillow when I fell off to sleep. How long ago was that? First, just flip it open and answer it Mr. Jeff. The phone refuses to flip open. It just flops out of my hand, tumbling silently to the carpeted floor. Reach down, try again, it’s probably your wife.

Sure enough, on the second try, I grab for the phone, pop it open this time, and croak out a hoarse, “Hello.”

I was right, it’s my Penny, alerting me that she’ll be detained. A detour to her dad’s is in order. Take him some groceries, check up on him and maybe some tidy-up housekeeping.

So I arise from where I was, sitting up now upon my now and do a quick survey of my surrounds. Yes, I am home, having been awakened by a phone call. 'Twas a nap I had indulged in, having arrived home earlier at 6:45 a.m. I think it was.

A quick breakfast, lovingly set out, was quickly wolfed down. Followed by a steaming hot bath to soak in and float away the grime and perspiration of another all nighter at work. After that, it was a an immediate adjournment to my ‘battle station napping perch’ to grab a desperate nap while on standby for whatever comes next.

Now, however, it’s time to get up for a spell to chip away at what calls for attention. The  first stop though is the microwave for a reheated cup of hot joe. Nothing brings me out of  a deep sleep like a cup of good carburetor cleaner. Starbuck’s is one of my favored fuels, however, home brewed will do just fine at the moment.

So what day is it? Let me see, oh yes, it’s Saturday morning. I have one more overnighter to knock out tonight at work. Getting ready for important visitors, and for that purpose we need to shine and be in the proper presentable order.

Besides that, a mountain of paperwork awaits on a side desk in my office. Most of it is  the usual and every day result of handling the finances for two other households besides our own. My stack is what I need to cull through for my own folks. Penny has a stack of her own that represents what she must chew through each week for her parents as well.  At some point in this process we manage to get to our own finances and obligations.

Yesterday before work was relatively productive. Both of us, on the phone, mostly all day. Alternately alerting creditors and contacting relatives and loved ones of the death of one of our parents. Calls given and calls received from loved ones offering condolences, sharing their concern and inquiring how things have been. Already, you have told and retold a seemingly scripted out speech of what happened and what lead up to that family members death. You are weary, worn out and the emotional drain has started to take it’s toll. Still, you press on, another handful of calls to more creditors and accounts.

Planning for and handling all of the arrangements for the upcoming funeral is actually going well. A different kind of paperwork. The loss of a parent is not easy, but in our case, we had plenty of time as caregivers to see this one unfolding and headed our way. The hurt and the loss is there but it is not a bottomless chasm to fall into. We had already constructed a rope and plank bridge across it.

Mostly it is fatigue that is the hostile dancer we are compelled to tango with. Every day. Part of this is due to the sheer pace that we maintain each day to stay on top of our accepted obligations as caregivers. We don’t wish what we do on anyone else. Neither do we run away from or abandon what we started.

So what is it like? Caregiving times four?

You damn well learn to manage your time better than most folks.
You learn to eat the healthiest foods you can  find and not starve yourself..
You learn to find the humor in things and situations that once before you missed.
You learn to grab naps and rest breaks at any hour of the night or day where opportunity allows: just like soldiers do.
You learn to take time out for the simplest of little pleasures wherever you come upon them.
You count up your blessings every day.

How has it all changed us?

I am now more gray. Penny, a natural redhead, appears like the little red polar fox: transitioning into an eventual all white coat.   Each of us are sporting a few more wrinkles. At the end of each day, as often as not, we reach for that bottle of Ibuprofen to alleviate the aches and pains.

Oh yes, and we are wiser.


Jeff Dodson
November 10th 2012